Things Guys Secretly Hate about Sex

There are so many things guy hate about having sex. Don’t believe me? That’s fine, because I just made a whole list to convince you otherwise.

We have to get hard way more times than you realize

It’s never one sex, one erection. That ratio rarely, if ever, occurs. No, the path toward doing it (especially the first few times with someone) travels a sinuously hot and cold route from coming home to finally banging. Yeah, it’s not the hardest damn thing in the world to get it up, but imagine this roller coaster: We start by kissing (hey, I’m hard), then stop to talk , followed by some mutually chest touching, followed by a pause to pee . Our dicks aren’t motorized hospital beds, which, with the flip of a switch, can go from lying flat to pointing up, and each time we lose it and have to start all over again, it feels like it would be easier to call it a night.

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We have to get hard way more times than you realize

Peeing with an erection is more difficult than raising a child

Have you ever tried to pee with an erection? No, you haven’t, and it freaking sucks. You gotta stand above the toilet with your dick aimed somewhere just left of the handle, trying to push it down, while willing yourself soft, while also forcing out the pee that doesn’t want to come down your urethra because your bladder locks up once your penis is primed to ejaculate. It hurts like hell, but worse, because it takes absolutely forever for the flow to finally come, women end up thinking we are in there taking a dump.

We always have to guesstimate when it’s exactly the right time to do it

Fingers are perfectly acceptable moisture barometers, but since we left the days of cramming three digits inside y’all in high school behind (at least I hope we did), I’m forced to make a general guess as to whether I’ve rightly razzed your jooch. Eighty-five percent of the time, we’re communicating well and I get it right, but those other times I realize I might have jumped the gun. Then I feel very stupid. And disrespectful. There should be one of those Thanksgiving turkey pop-up ding things on vaginas is what I’m saying.

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Things Guys Secretly Hate about Sex

It’s harder than you realize to not come

One day, men will evolve and develop a mechanism with which to restrain the quick dispensing of semen. Like, I bet in a thousand years. But right now … imagine being so fucking turned on, and so ready to go, then instantly having to shut off all those urges. Sure, once the rush passes, it’s great, but the first minute of sex is like when you realize you took way too much LSD and the trip’s coming in real intense, and there’s nothing you can do but hold on until that first major wave passes. Fun, but not that fun.

Considerations when dating to marry

Dating  to mary is a funny thing. It’s not overtly discussed in scripture, and those living somewhere between single and married often ask us for advice. So, I figured it was time to write a post specifically for those who are in serious dating relationships, or want to learn principles for dating when they meet that special someone.

Share a vision and a dream

For the past year, long before we started looking for a house, we started keeping a list of non-negotiables. Our list included a garage, location (close to family/friends, strong community), budget/price, and many other things. This was HUGE for us. When it came time to start searching, we knew what we were looking for, so eliminating options was very straightforward.

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Share a vision and a dream

 

Take personal inventory

I’m self-employed, which comes a long with a mixed bag of good and bad implications. One bad one is that it’s much harder to buy a house. Banks require TONS of paperwork to convince them that you’re loan-worthy. We had to take a hard look at our finances in a way we hadn’t before. We learned our financial limits and shortcomings very quickly as the bankers ran the numbers… and numbers don’t lie.

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Surround yourself with good advisors

Surround yourself with good advisors

We could have never found the right house without a team of advisors: our realtor, our mortgage broker, the title specialists, the inspectors, underwriters, and an appraiser. Each person assisting us (and thank God they were all honest, hard working people!) helped us see problems we would’ve missed. They poked and prodded at the home and paperwork with a common goal in mind: getting us into a solid home within our means. This guarded us from getting fixated on the external qualities of the home whilst missing bigger underlying problems.

Oral Sex Guide: What Women Really Want

Cunnilingus. Even the word itself seems more complicated than it has to be. But when it come to stimulating her down there, the numbers don’t lie: 30 to 50 percent of women say they cannot reach an orgasm through intercourse alone. And there are 8000 nerve endings on the visible nub of the clitoris to navigate (twice as many as the penis). You do the math.

Take the initiative

Oral sex is not just foreplay anymore, explains Ian Kerner, Ph.D., a sexuality counselor and author of She Comes First, “It should be considered core-play.” Only about 43 percent of women can climax through penetration alone (most need direct clitoral stimulation). In order to fulfill all her needs, you’ll have to put those mouth muscles to work—and the best move is to dive in eagerly. “You should let her know how much the thought of going down on her turns you on. Plant ideas into her head as to what you’d love to do to her,” says Yvonne Fulbright, Ph.D., a sexologist and author of The Best Oral Sex Ever—His Guide to Going Down. And once you’re down there, Fulbright suggests “making noises.

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Oral sex is not just foreplay anymore

Be flexible

One ex might have loved your go-to oral sex move while another woman may hate it. “No two people are alike in what turns them on, so you need to be adaptive in your techniques, positions, etc.,” says Fulbright. Keep an open mind when it comes to feedback—and be prepared to observe. “Watch her please herself,” suggests Molly Adler, a sexuality educator at Selfservetoys.com. “You will learn how she likes to be stimulated and get a great show. Get to know her body by paying attention to what she likes. And if she doesn’t know what she loves yet, figure it out together.” By taking the time to experiment what works for her as you explore her body, you’ll become more focused on the overall journey instead of the orgasm outcome.

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One ex might have loved your go-to oral sex move while another woman may hate it

Start slow, finish strong

Arousal is a process. As women get more excited, the types of sensations desired will vacillate. “In general, you should start off light and delicate. Very rhythmic,” explains Kerner. “Throughout the process, you should apply more pressure and more stimulation. What might have been uncomfortable at the beginning might be comfortable for her at the end.” The most common mistake is to start rough or too intense, so warm up her entire vulva first before focusing in on the clitoris. “Once she’s warmed up, bring her G-spot [which is basically the first inch to two inches of the vagina] to life while massaging her clitoris with the tip of your tongue,” suggests Fullbright, adding that you should become familiar with all of her erogenous zones (here’s a quick primer).

Oral sex moves you’ve never tried

For her, oral could mean the difference between orgasmic bliss and a ho-hum time in the sack. In fact, most women need a variety of stimulation, including oral, in order to orgasm, research from the Kinsey Institute shows. If you’ve already mastered the basics—taking your time, varying your pressure and speed, and resisting the urge to go straight for her lady parts with a little teasing—then add these five advanced moves to your repertoire. Who knows? She might be impressed enough to return the favor.

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Oral sex

Make it All Access

Start with her on her hands and knees, and then slide under her like an auto mechanic. You can then spend time warming her up as you have access to everything she wants touched and licked. “Kisses, breast and nipple stimulation, nibbles down the inner thigh are all part of dining out,” says Shanna Katz, M.Ed., a board-certified sexologist and author of Oral Sex That Will Blow Her Mind. “Wait until your partner is hot and heavy, begging for you to go between her legs, rather than going in too quickly and killing the mood.” Watch for her to lower her body up and down, or move it side to side, as you ramp up the foreplay. It will only be minutes before she is imploring you to do more.

Use Your Surroundings

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Oral sex moves you’ve never tried

Nobody around while you’re in the pool? Have her sit on the edge with her legs over your shoulders while you’re in the water. If you don’t happen to have a pool handy, this also works on the edge of a countertop, sturdy table, or washer. (Let the last one run for even more fun.) No matter where you decide to do it, you’ve got to be all in, says Katz. This position allows you to use your lips, tongue, suction, and hands to their fullest. Plus, from above she’ll have a full view of you between her legs and can guide you with her body movement as she gets turned on.

Ditch the ABCs

Lay down on a bed or other comfortable surface. Have her squat and sit on your face while you provide the oral stimulation. She’s now in a position to focus solely on the pleasure you are providing, so step up your technique by tracing letters with your tongue. “Instead of running through from A to Z, which can make it hard to choose favorite tongue motions, try a few letters at a time on repeat, or work on spelling a favorite word,” says Katz.

Number 1 sign you’re in a serious dating

It’s pretty obvious when you’re officially dating someone: You go out together, hang out on weekends, and probably do other, uh, stuff, too. But trying to figure out whether you’re just dating or in a serious relationship can be murky territory.

For some, you’re serious after three months of consistent dating; for others, it’s not until after move in together. But really, it’s freaking hard to know unless you have the that, “So, what are we?” talk.

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It’s pretty obvious when you’re officially dating someone

Number 1 sign you’re in a serious dating

Enter a survey by British relationship support organization Relate.org.uk. For the survey, researchers asked 6,000 people a slew of pressing relationship questions, including what they think defines a “serious” relationship.

The conclusion: talking about issues. According to the survey, 50 percent of couples say “sharing problems” is the top indicator that things are pretty serious.

It’s worth noting that sharing problems is ranked even higher than “being exclusive” (cited by 44 percent) or “getting married” (cited by 39 percent). Hmmm.

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Number 1 sign you’re in a serious dating

Basically, even if you’re married, if you don’t share your problems, you still have some things to work on. It sounds crazy, but it makes sense: In a happy marriage (and relationship), you share the good and the bad things in life and help each other through them.

So the next time you feel annoyed listening to your partner drone on about work issues again, keep this in mind: It’s actually bringing you closer.

Food is officially the way to a woman’s heart

There’s about 546 reasons why food is everything, and now scientists have found another big benefit to keeping a woman well-fed. (Listen up, gentlemen!)

In a study recently published by the journal Appetite, researchers found that there was a very close correlation between a woman’s appetite and romantic desire.

Food is officially the way to a woman’s heart

Researchers looked at the brain’s reaction to hunger in 20 healthy, young women. They were asked not to eat for eight hours before the experiment. First, the participants were shown romantic images, such as people holding hands, while their brain’s activity was scanned. The women were then fed a liquid meal-replacement drink. Afterwards,  they were asked to look at the same romantic images again, now with a full stomach, as their brains were scanned once more.

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There’s about 546 reasons why food is everything

The findings showed that the women were much more open to romance after they were satiated, based on the activation levels in the brain scans. In other words, a woman is more likely to, ahem, get in the mood after she enjoys a good meal.

“They were more responsive to romantic cues,”author Alice Ely, now a postdoctoral fellow at the University of California, San Diego told Time.com.”Instead of being anxious and annoyed and irritable when you’re hungry…once we’re sated, then we can get on to better things.”

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Food is officially the way to a woman’s heart

The study’s authors note, though, that more research needs to be done on the subject.”It’s all very speculative, but it’s still very interesting and a sort of unexpected finding,” said Ely.

Still, you now have the best excuse ever for your partner to take you out to dinner or cook you an amazing dish: science!

How to keep the marriage strong?

Marriage is a road full of really hard choices, ridiculous selflessness, and constant service. But it is a journey full of blessing, healing and hope. Marriage is no walk in the park. It is a road full of really hard choices, ridiculous selflessness, and constant service.

Maintain your friendship

It’s easier to be friends than lovers. And those who start as friends make the best lovers. Friendship provides deep roots from which a healthy marriage can grow strong.

Each component to your friendship is like a string—and each one ties the two of you together and holds you close. Along with attraction, you share similar interests, hobbies, passions and beliefs that keep you connected.

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Maintain your friendship

Remember to laugh

When I met my husband, I thought he was the funniest man alive. Now I know better, but the truth of the matter is he keeps me laughing and makes me smile. We have so much fun together, and some of our most intimate memories involve us laughing until there are tears streaming down our faces.

There is a time and place in marriage for tears of frustration, anger and sadness, but there should also be a time for tears of joy. Make that a priority in your marriage.

Confess to each other

As hard as it is, my husband and I are getting really good at saying sorry. But we’ve evolved. We don’t just say sorry anymore, because the word “sorry” doesn’t always hold much meaning. We have learned to confess to one another, to keep love, to take ownership and responsibility of our sins, flaws and weaknesses, and to apologize specifically for how we have hurt each other.

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Confess to each other

As humbling as this can be, confession can bring an intimacy that is far greater than any prideful “rightness” could ever bring. Learn to confess to one another, and then to forgive one another.

Regularly express affection

Affection is usually the norm for at least the first few years of marriage. But a few years (and maybe a few children) later, the “honeymoon” stage wears off and affection can fall by the wayside.

When affection is no longer the “norm,” it’s something you must make a priority. Even when you’re tired and overwhelmed, expressing affection is an action and reaction to one another that involves being deliberate and choosing to make time for intimacy, romance and quality time. It’s a part of marriage that you and your spouse have to learn to integrate into your day to day, rather than just saving it for special date nights.

How Much Sex is Too Much Sex?

Overview

“More bang for your buck” might not apply in bed: Having lots of sex could make you enjoy it less, finds new research from Carnegie Mellon University.

In the study, married couples who got busy at least once a month, but no more than three times per week, were split into two groups. Some pairs were asked to double their sex rate, while the rest kept their habits the same.

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In the study, married couples who got busy at least once a month

How Much Sex is Too Much Sex?

(For the best advice on how to improve your sexual health, fitness, and nutrition, check out The Better Man Project, the new book from the Editor in Chief of Men’s Health. It’s chock full of more than 2,000 awesome life hacks!)

Maybe you’re not trying to meet a weekly quota like the people in the study. But chances are you’ve attempted to ramp up your romping to make sex hotter.

That’s a mistake: Sexual frequency has nothing to do with your pleasure or satisfaction, says Men’s Health Sex Professor Debby Herbenick, Ph.D., author of The Coregasm Workout.

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Sexual frequency has nothing to do with your pleasure or satisfaction

If you and you partner have sex often because you both want to, of course you should keep it up, says Herbenick. But it doesn’t matter if your magic number is less than your buddy’s as long as it works for you, she says.

To bring your sex life to new heights, forget quantity and focus on quality. Herbenick says the key to having exceptional sex is in the connection.

“Be open to one another,” she says. “Treat your partner like a person rather than a porn star—unless that’s what you two are into.”

Enjoy each other’s company before things get steamy. Set the mood with candles, take a bath or shower together, or play sexy music, Herbenick advises.

Keep your private parts healthy

“How to keep your private parts healthy ?,” says Steven Lamm, M.D., an assistant professor at the New York University School of Medicine and the author of The Hardness Factor: How to Achieve Your Best Health and Sexual Fitness at Any Age.

If you’re stressed out from work or poor relationships, suffering from depression, addicted to alcohol or drugs, or woefully overweight and out of shape, that miraculous mechanical wonder between your legs won’t work as well as it could.

Lose the Belly

Eat a healthy diet and exercise regularly to achieve ideal body weight and eliminate the fat around your gut. Abdominal fat blocks the testosterone that should be available to you, which in turn affects sexual functioning. A fat gut is a bad marker for overall health—including your sexual health.

Your penis is a barometer for your heart and artery health or a “canary in the coal mine” that can warn you of impending trouble. That’s because a penile artery is quite a bit narrower than a coronary artery. If plaque and artery hardening is starting to occur, it’ll often show up first by affecting your erection.

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Quit Smoking

Quit Smoking

“Smoking just clenches down on your blood vessels and prevents them from being reactive,” says Dr. Lamm.

Nicotine restricts penile blood flow and weakens erections. It contributes to plaque buildup in the arteries, making smokers twice as likely to experience erectile dysfunction.

Take a Walk Every Day

When you exercise, blood flow increases—blood rushes through the endothelial cells (the lining of the blood vessels) and stimulates them to make more nitric oxide, a key chemical involved in producing erections.

“The healthier a man is, the more nitric oxide he produces, and the harder his erection is,” says Dr. Lamm. Also, exercise has been shown to be as effective as medication in reducing symptoms of mild depression, another downer for penis performance.

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Take a Walk Every Day

Do a Ball Check

Testicular cancer strikes nearly 8,000 men a year, mostly young men between the ages of 15 and 40. When caught early enough, testicular cancer can be cured more than 95 percent of the time.

Left undetected, though, and it can spread to other parts of the body. Check in with your boys once a month. Here’s the play-by-play from Men’s Health urology advisor Larry Lipshultz, M.D., chief of the division of male reproductive medicine at Baylor College of Medicine.