There are so many things guy hate about having sex. Don’t believe me? That’s fine, because I just made a whole list to convince you otherwise.
We have to get hard way more times than you realize
It’s never one sex, one erection. That ratio rarely, if ever, occurs. No, the path toward doing it (especially the first few times with someone) travels a sinuously hot and cold route from coming home to finally banging. Yeah, it’s not the hardest damn thing in the world to get it up, but imagine this roller coaster: We start by kissing (hey, I’m hard), then stop to talk , followed by some mutually chest touching, followed by a pause to pee . Our dicks aren’t motorized hospital beds, which, with the flip of a switch, can go from lying flat to pointing up, and each time we lose it and have to start all over again, it feels like it would be easier to call it a night.
Peeing with an erection is more difficult than raising a child
Have you ever tried to pee with an erection? No, you haven’t, and it freaking sucks. You gotta stand above the toilet with your dick aimed somewhere just left of the handle, trying to push it down, while willing yourself soft, while also forcing out the pee that doesn’t want to come down your urethra because your bladder locks up once your penis is primed to ejaculate. It hurts like hell, but worse, because it takes absolutely forever for the flow to finally come, women end up thinking we are in there taking a dump.
We always have to guesstimate when it’s exactly the right time to do it
Fingers are perfectly acceptable moisture barometers, but since we left the days of cramming three digits inside y’all in high school behind (at least I hope we did), I’m forced to make a general guess as to whether I’ve rightly razzed your jooch. Eighty-five percent of the time, we’re communicating well and I get it right, but those other times I realize I might have jumped the gun. Then I feel very stupid. And disrespectful. There should be one of those Thanksgiving turkey pop-up ding things on vaginas is what I’m saying.
It’s harder than you realize to not come
One day, men will evolve and develop a mechanism with which to restrain the quick dispensing of semen. Like, I bet in a thousand years. But right now … imagine being so fucking turned on, and so ready to go, then instantly having to shut off all those urges. Sure, once the rush passes, it’s great, but the first minute of sex is like when you realize you took way too much LSD and the trip’s coming in real intense, and there’s nothing you can do but hold on until that first major wave passes. Fun, but not that fun.