I think for me, it’s the stab to the heart. It’s the sharp pain you feel in your heart, when you see them together. It’s the heavy feeling whenever he talks about her. It’s when you suddenly feel out of breath, like you’ve run for a mile when you see them laughing. It’s when everything becomes blurry, and all you ever see is them, happy. It is as if the universe is making you see it on purpose.
And maybe it is
Maybe, the universe wants you to see what is happening, not for you to be mad or jealous. But to see the genuine happiness and love they share. To make you realize that you can’t always have everything, and that in love, you’ll sometimes lose. It also makes you realize that the pain, you’re feeling symbolizes that you are alive and have the capacity to overcome this. It signifies “an end” to your feelings for him, and a new start for you.
Believe me when I tell you that the pain you will feel, will become worth it in the end because it makes you see more clearly, and makes you be more aware of your own feelings. No one said love is all happy endings, it’s actually a roller coaster of emotions. Maybe it just takes a happy ending for you to create your own happy beginning.
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This is a huge deal in the age of revenge porn; there are entire law firms dedicated to litigating cases where a disgruntled ex posts their significant other’s anatomy online, a move that can ruin careers and cause emotional distress for years to come. The makers of Rumuki hope to eliminate revenge porn by creating a neutral ground—think of Rumuki as Switzerland—where both parties must be in agreement before a video can be viewed.
How it works
You and your partner download the app and link each others’ accounts. One of you films the video within the app (because tripods are so MTV Cribs Season 5), and the video is immediately encrypted and saved on each of your phones. But neither of you can view the video unless you both provide consent, and users can set one-time viewing guidelines and expiration dates so videos will vanish before things go south. And if a couple breaks up while the video still exists, either party can delete the video from both phones. The app is free for a limited time, so you’ll want to act fast if you have a history of sexy sending.
Now, the smart condom is not an actual condom – it’s a reusable ring that sits on the base of a condom—and it’s not the first time a fitness tracker was created to measure your sack sessions. In fact, back in January, we reported on a product called “Lovely, a sextoy/fitness tracker for your penis”.
The i.Con Smart Condom works similarly to other fitness trackers: Using nanochips and sensors, the sex tracker will record the speed of your thrusts, total number of thrusts, frequency of sex, number of sex sessions, girth measurement of your penis, the different sex positions you use, and how many calories you burn during sex. The i.Con Smart Condom will be kept anonymously—unless you want to share with your friends, significant others, or flat-out strangers. Because yes, there’s an option for that.
Want one now?
Not so fast. While the device is available for preorder, the company won’t actually take your money—the U.S. equivalent of roughly $74—until they settle on a solid release date. There’s no official word on when that would be, but the company says they are shooting for a release sometime this year.
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Anybody who’s happy with their sex life might not be shocked to hear that, but researchers wanted to pinpoint why, exactly, regular sex provides such a sense of well-being. So a group of University of Toronto researchers set out to do just that by conducting a few different experiments. Their results, which will be published in Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin, suggest that it all comes down to cuddling.
In the first experiment, the researchers recruited 335 Americans online and quizzed them about their relationships about how often they had sex, how happy they were, and how often they kissed or cuddled with their partners. Researchers then repeated the experiment with 74 couples from San Francisco.
Next, the researchers asked 106 Swiss couples to keep a diary and found that the more the couple had sex over a 10-day period, the happier their relationship satisfaction was. A follow-up study found that those same couples were more likely to report “experiences of affection” several hours after having sex, not just in the immediate aftermath.
One caveat: As Science of Us points out, because the study relied heavily on surveys and participant diaries, it’s hard to actually determine what’s actually responsible for the feelings of happiness sex provides (i.e. is it your overall well-being? The sex? The cuddling? Which came first?). Still, if nothing else, this study just reinforces what most people already know: Sex and cuddling aren’t just fun – they’re actually healthy for you.
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Dating is rare in Afghanistan because most marriages are arranged by parents, and schools are separate for boys and girls. The opportunities to meet are rare. Girls have a 7:00 P.M. curfew, while boys have an 11:00 P.M. curfew.
Most teens go out in large groups and don’t pair off until they are 18 or 19 years old in Australia. Girls often ask out boys and pay for the date, too. Couples often go to dinner parties, barbecues, or the beach.
Central and South America
Dating is not allowed until the age of 15 here. When of age, most boys and girls date in large groups, going out together to weekend dance parties. When not dancing, teens gather at local clubs to eat and talk.
Dating is usually a group event in Europe. In Finland, as many as 30 teens may attend a movie together. Slumber parties are common in Italy and Switzerland, where teens gather for parties at a home and sleep there when the party is over.
In Spain teens join a pandilla, a club or a group of friends with the same interests, like cycling or hiking. Dating is done one-to-one and both girls and boys ask each other out and split the cost of the evening’s entertainment.
In Russia dates take place at dances or at clubs where teens eat or chat with friends. In small towns, teens meet in the streets downtown or gather around a fountain.
It is against the law to date in Iran. Teens are separated until they are of marrying age, then their families introduce them to each other and sometimes a courtship follows.
Japan and Korea
In Japan and Korea, most high school students don’t date or go to parties, but spend their time studying instead. Dating begins in college, when only boys do the asking and pay for the dates
Dating is a funny thing. It’s not overtly discussed in scripture, and those living somewhere between single and married often ask us for advice. So, I figured it was time to write a post specifically for those who are in serious dating relationships, or want to learn principles for dating when they meet that special someone.
If that’s not you, I’m guessing you’ll know someone who might want to know. This post won’t be exhaustive by any means, but I do hope to hit on some of the big topics “daters” should consider.
Selena and I are happy to share that we just purchased a home! After 18 months in transit, we’ve settled. To say it’s a relief would be an understatement. The home buying process is intense… and that’s partly why we’ve not blogged as consistently the past two months (thanks for your patience).
Like marriage, buying a home is a BIG decision with huge consequences. Oddly, I see quite a few parallels between the two. After all, both require serious commitment, investment, time, and energy.
Surely marriage is a much bigger commitment than buying a house, but I’m hoping that our experience will prove insightful…so here we go! (Note, they’re in no particular order.)
5 things to consider when dating toward marriage
1: Share a vision and a dream
For the past year, long before we started looking for a house, we started keeping a list of non-negotiables. Our list included a garage (we’ve never had one), location (close to family/friends, strong community), budget/price, and many other things. This was HUGE for us. When it came time to start searching, we knew what we were looking for, so eliminating options was very straightforward.
While dating, you must both understand the non-negotiables in your relationship and agree on them. The list is actually quite short in my opinion: faith. In your marriage, no one thing will impact your relationship more than your belief in who Christ is, what he’s done, and who you are as a result. If you disagree on faith, you will disagree on most important things. That’s why it’s the one topic we’d discuss if we had the chance to talk with every young couple who’s reading this. (Check out Habakkuk 2)
2: Take personal inventory
I’m self-employed, which comes a long with a mixed bag of good and bad implications. One bad one is that it’s much harder to buy a house. Banks require TONS of paperwork to convince them that you’re loan-worthy. We had to take a hard look at our finances in a way we hadn’t before. We learned our financial limits and shortcomings very quickly as the bankers ran the numbers… and numbers don’t lie.
Perfect love is that which endures in the presence of imperfection.When you’re dating and considering marriage, a good introspective look will only help prepare you. Will you ever be perfect? No. But that’s not the goal. The goal is count the cost of marriage and make sure you understand the weight of covenant. Marriage is wonderful, but it’s not all sunshine and rainbows! Like all relationships, it’s messy. Do you understand what lifetime commitment really means? And do you understand the true definition of love?
Of course, there’s abundant grace when you’re in Christ. You will never be fully ready for marriage – no amount of how-tos or tips will prepare you – but you can count the cost.
3: Surround yourself with good advisors
We could have never found the right house without a team of advisors: our realtor, our mortgage broker, the title specialists, the inspectors, underwriters, and an appraiser. Each person assisting us (and thank God they were all honest, hard working people!) helped us see problems we would’ve missed. They poked and prodded at the home and paperwork with a common goal in mind: getting us into a solid home within our means. This guarded us from getting fixated on the external qualities of the home whilst missing bigger underlying problems.
When dating, it’s VITAL that you surround yourself with honest, godly counsel. Godly advisors will have your best interest in mind according to God’s design. Then (this is just as crucial), listen! If you’re in a relationship and everyone around you – your pastors, mentors, friends, and family – is throwing up red flags, it’s time to listen up. What are they seeing that you can’t? (See Proverbs 12:15 and 11:14)
Conversely, if people around you give you their blessing, you can move forward with knowing you’ve received godly counsel. (Note: the source of your counsel is just as important as the counsel itself. Make sure to get Bible-based advice.)
4: Inspect your foundation
Once we found a home we liked, we had to look closer. Surface attributes (bedrooms, baths, price, layout, etc) can be quickly confirmed, but we had to check the structure of the house before pursuing further. The most costly issues in home purchases involve its foundation, wiring, and structure.Thus, we got a home inspection. Nobody wants a house that will collapse or burn down!
Your marriage must have a strong foundation, and the only strong foundation is Christ. He is our only true standard of love and only he provides guidance for loving and being loved when one side of the relationship is unloveable. Why else would we hear so many times, “I love my spouse, but I’m not IN love with them”? Folks who buy into that ideology don’t understand what love is. They don’t see that love is an action and a choice long before it includes feelings of romance or attraction.
Attraction may bring you and your future spouse together, but only love will keep you together. Christ is the only foundation for love.A marriage built on Christ is a marriage built to last.
5: Focus on the important, flex everywhere else
You know what wasn’t on our non-negotiables list? The paint. Is color important? Perhaps, but it is purely external. In fact, our house looks like a smurf…no joke. It’s bright royal blue and stark white. We decided to view the home because it met our non-negotiable requirements. As it turned out, it’s perfect for our needs! We would have never found it if we were overly concerned with external qualities.
When dating and considering a marriage, emphasize what matters most and be flexible everywhere else. When Selena and I were dating, I fell in love with her personality, her love for Christ, and her ability to see beauty in almost anything. If I had loved her only for her external qualities like attractiveness, hair color, physique, and so on, my “love” would have faded as soon as she changed. In fact, as we grow older I find that I love however Selena changes (think: pregnancy), because she’s still her. She is not a body with a soul, but a soul with a body. Your spouse’s appearance will change, but their soul is eternal.
Don’t over-emphasize surface qualities in your significant other. Those things can and will change. But the deeper qualities – faith, personality, sense of humor, etc – will endure for a lifetime.Charm is deceitful and beauty is vain, but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised.
A final word on dating
Selena and I dated for 4 years before getting married, but the day I asked her out I told her that I wouldn’t be dating her f I didn’t think I could marry her some day. That single statement cemented the entire culture of our relationship. We both knew the end game was a lifelong commitment to each other. Everything we did was within this context.
I think “casual dating” is ridiculous. Love, by definition, is enduring. Love has no condition or expiration date. When you date casually, knowing it’s temporary, you’re basically saying to each other, “I’m just using you for my pleasure now, and as soon as that stops, we’re done.” That’s not love. That’s selfishness.
If you do date or are dating, let it be with their soul in mind and marriage in view. And may you seek out all understanding and wisdom through reading God’s word and seeking counsel on how to pursue them.
Then, if/when you do marry, may you find immense joy with one you’ll spend the rest of your life with!
It is believed that the first “marriage” took place when a primitive man went into a primitive woman’s cave and carried her off to be his mate. He chose her not for love but for her ability to do work. Since then, of course, the idea of marriage has changed quite a lot.
Ancient Egyptian women had rights and privileges on par with their male counterparts. To them, a person’s legal rights had more to do with social class than gender. This was unlike most other ancient societies, and even some modern ones. After marriage, women held control of their independence, property and wealth, and either person could easily get a divorce. For two people to be considered married, all they had to do was move in with each other. There was no legal or religious ceremony to formalize the union; in fact the Ancient Egyptians did not even have a word for such a ceremony. Subsequently, a wife shared control with her husband of all property obtained during the marriage. If either person died, the wife or husband was free to remarry.
Ancient Greeks and Spartans
All marriages were arranged by parents and approved by the gods in ancient Greece. Women in their early teens were married to men in their mid-thirties. A husband then had to buy his new wife from her father. Many couples did not see each other until after the ceremony, when the bridal veil was removed. On the night before the wedding, the girl’s hair was cut off and she was bathed in holy water from a sacred fountain. Her childhood toys were then taken away and dedicated to a goddess. Greek wives were “owned” by their husbands, who could lend or sell them to others.
The Spartans believed that a person’s athletic ability matched their fitness for marriage. Before marrying, a couple was required to wrestle in public to show their compatibility. Spartan women married in their twenties. The groom’s father chose a bride for his son. Twelve months after the selection, the couple was married. During the marriage ceremony, the bride wore a white robe, a veil, and jewelry given to her by her new husband’s family. The ceremony took place in the groom’s tent and the festivities lasted seven days. If a woman was wealthy, she might have a husband for each house she maintained.
Roman brides wore white tunics with orange veils and orange slippers. Following the ceremony, the groom carried his bride over the threshold of their new home to symbolize his ownership of her.
Christian church marriages were thought to be made in heaven and therefore could never be broken. The father of the bride gave a dowry of land or money to the groom. If the marriage was unsuccessful, the wife and the dowry were returned to the father’s home, but neither partner was allowed to remarry.
Until the 1400s, married couples did not live together in Japan. They stayed in separate homes, meeting only at night. The old Japanese word for marriage meant, “slip into the house by night
Because your subconscious mind controls the way you sleep with your partner, sleep body language can be an amazingly accurate way to assess what’s going on in your relationship — even if you can’t or don’t articulate those things while you’re awake, says Patti Wood, a body language expert with more than 30 years of experience and author of Success Signals, A Guide to Reading Body Language.
Of course, there are always exceptions — if you are and always have been a sleep kicker, you can’t blame your partner for sleeping far away from you. But when your or your partner’s sleep position suddenly changes, use these clues to decode what it means:
You’re the little spoon
In this position, your partner envelops you in a way that feels simultaneously intimate and secure. Because it involves some serious contact, “it’s a very vulnerable position that’s sexual, but says, ‘I trust you,'” Wood says.
You’re the big spoon
This says you’re protective of your partner and maybe even a bit possessive.
You spoon a few inches apart.
New couples tend to have the most physical contact in bed, but when the novelty of bed-sharing wears off, it’s common to revert to the positions that make you feel most comfortable and produce the best quality sleep, says Paul Rosenblatt, author of Two in a Bed: The Social System of Couple Bed Sharing. Sometimes, that means spooning a few inches apart. It’s like the big spoon saying, “I’ve got your back, you can count on me,” but it’s not as sexual as spooning closer, Woods says.
Your partner cradles your head on his chest
A face-up sleeping position indicates confidence and self-assurance. When your partner sleeps on his back with your head in his arms, it says, “I have the power and I’m using it to protect you,” Wood says. When you, in turn, face your partner in a fetal position, it shows you depend on him. If you sleep with your head on his chest and the rest of your body sprawled out, it sends the message that you want to make decisions for yourself, Wood says.
When you sleep face-to-face, it’s an unconscious attempt to look your partner in the eye throughout the night. If your partner suddenly starts facing you, there’s a good chance he feels distant and wants to connect, or is hungry for more intimacy — especially if he presses his pelvis against yours.
You sleep on your stomachs
Because sleeping on your stomach protects the front of your body, the position could be a sign of anxiety, vulnerability, and lack of sexual trust, Wood says. Unless there are back or neck issues, people tend to face the bed because they don’t want to or are afraid to face their emotions, Wood says. If your partner suddenly starts sleeping face down, you can cozy up to make him feel more protected.
You sleep on opposite sides of the bed
This says you’re independent or have a desire to be more separate. If you’re typically snuggly sleepers though, this position could be a red flag that something isn’t right, whether that means stress at work or an untold secret.
That said, many people start out snuggling to warm up or show affection, then gravitate toward opposite sides of the bed for a random reason — it could be because your partner has sharp toenails, kicks in his sleep, or moves around too much, or because you get hot when you sleep skin to skin, Rosenblatt says.
Also worth noting: Some couples actually get along better when they stop trying so hard to snuggle all night — probably because it can enable you to sleep more soundly and without interruption, which improves your interactions the next day.
If you don’t like to touch while you sleep, schedule 15 minutes in the morning or at night to snuggle up and in turn strengthen your relationship, suggests Wood.
You sleep facing away from each other with your butts touching
This position suggests you’re a confident couple that appreciate your own space: The facing away from each other hints at the ability and desire to be independent, while the butt touch shows you still want to stay sexually connected, Wood says.
For what it’s worth, lots of people prefer to sleep facing the outside of the bed to avoid breathing face-to-face, Rosenblatt says. So this position could mean you’re sick and tired of your partner’s snoring (not your partner himself).
You sleep with nothing touching but your feet or legs
Being far from the brain and the first part of your body to react in the case or a flight or flight response, the feet are the most honest portion of the body, under the least conscious control, Wood says. If your partner plays footsie with you in bed, it means he craves an emotional or sexual connection.
You sleep with your legs and arms totally entwined
When you sleep with arms and legs tangled, it’s a sign that you can’t get enough of each other — even while you sleep. “It means your lives are intertwined, that you function as a pair. You probably finish each other’s sentences and take care of each other,” Wood says.
You sleep different distances from the headboard
People who sleep closer to the headboard tend to feel more dominant and confident, while those who place their heads further away from it could be more subservient and have lower self-esteem, Wood says. Couples who sleep with their heads at the same level are on the same page. Heads that touch are even better: It’s a sign that you have like minds and know what’s going on in each other’s heads, Wood says.
“I’m not Cinderella, and he’s not Prince Charming,” says Sherri. “Glitches along the way are normal because it’s hard to live together all these years. We went to a marriage counselor at one point because we were going in different directions and needed professional help. You always have to keep working on relationship.”
10. Expect that there will be crises.
“Life is going to hit you with curve balls,” insists Evelyn Brier, whose husband, Alan, started out as a childhood friend. They married when they reconnected after college. “But you have to stick it out. People give up too soon, too easily. It’s how you handle those lows together that makes the difference in life. There will be strains, yet it gets easier, and in many ways, better.”
11.Love means being a team.
“I know Alan is there for me,” Evelyn, 76, says of her 78-year-old husband. “I was sick with breast cancer four years ago, and he was right there. It was important, and satisfying, to know that there’s someone who genuinely cares about my wellbeing. That’s what love does.”
12Never stop showing affection.
Fifty-three years after they walked the aisle, the Briers still grab each other’s hands. “If you continue holding hands and you’re content, that’s what’s important,” says the mother of four. “Is the sex going to be what it was when you first got married? No, it changes and is replaced with things just as satisfying and fulfilling.”
13Talk out issues in person.
Texting, emailing, and messaging don’t make couples’ communication any clearer, says Judy Terry. Before smartphones, “you either said something or you didn’t,” when conflicts came up. So the mom of four and husband Harold speak up because hashing out problems via keyboard is taking the “easy way out rather than talking about it face-to-face.”
14Have a standing date — without the kids.
“When you have children and everything revolves around them, you see a lot of divorces once they leave home,” says Judy, 72, who goes out on a breakfast date every Friday morning with Harold, 75. “We don’t let anything interrupt that. It gets us started that day, then mostly we do everything together afterward.” The outing is special, she adds, “Because it’s a time for us to talk and feel close together.”
15History doesn’t have to be repeated
“I came from a divorced family and didn’t want that to happen to our kids,” says Judy, who has been married to Harold for 55 years. The Lakewood, Colorado, parents of four were neighbors and tied the knot when Judy was an 18-year-old high school student. “So I think from that perspective you try a lot harder because you don’t want your kids to go through what you did.”
16Pick your battles
“Learning the limits you have with each other, and not trying to change someone, is important so you know when to let things go,” says Judy Terry of what she’s learned in marriage to Harold. “You can’t be right all the time, and pushing someone too much only causes problems. It’s easy to spend way too much time working on all the small stuff.”